(warning personal rant here)
We all know what a liar does, “liars make a deliberate choice to fabricate the truth and do not let others know that they are doing this.” Psychology Today, how does this make me feel?
One of the first things I say to anybody when I get into a relationship with them now is “I am damaged, I do not trust people”. I classify myself this way because, in fact, I am. But, in fairness to the relationship, the other party, I make this statement loud and clear so that the other party has the ability to choose whether or not they can or will accept this fact and continue on with a relationship with me. If the person decides that they wish to proceed knowing this information then the onus is on them to take care of this in our relationship from their perspective. Just like, if a friend decides to have dinner at my house and mentions an anaphylaxis reaction to almonds is the onus on me to not serve almonds.
Lying in any relationship with me, whether it’s a spouse, a friend, a co-worker is not black or white, I find a myriad of sub reasons the person chose to lie instead of owning up and be accountable for their actions which ultimately circles back to the liar is not only defining who they are as a person but defining how they see the relationship and how they perceive me to be and my worth as a person.
Here’s the thing, when a liar decides to lie and has repeatedly done so, and I decide to accept their excuses and accept their promises to never lie again I am accepting the fact that they are not a person of their word, I am accepting the fact that they do not value our relationship however the dynamics are, I am essentially saying to the world I am not worthy. I have no self-worth, because I choose to remain in a dynamic that is counterproductive to my personal growth as a human. I am declaring to the world I do not love myself.
But I do love myself, I do believe I am worth something. I believe that I deserve to be in symbiotic relationships with people, co-workers, family who protect my interest as I would protect theirs. I choose to disallow behaviors from people who claim to be my friend, my partner, my family, my lover, yet only look out for their own best interest. I choose to not accept being lied to. This is my personal choice, which I believe is aligned with my values and I am making my declaration to the universe. If that means I lose many relationships in my life, then so be it, but at least at the end of the day I can lay my head on my pillow and know I was being as authentic to myself as I could possibly be.